Coming in like El Nino!
Jeremy Lavine
Period 3

El Nino is spanish. It is the spanish word for child. Like all things spanish, it is dangerous. It kills people and burns down trees. This child is more than a child. It really isn't a child at all. It is a storm. A deadly storm that kills people and burns down trees.

Warm water usually builds up around australia. But not anymore with el nino. El Nino moves the warm water from australia to somewhere else, namely to other places. Where are these other places? These are places that also have water, but water that is usually not as warm as the warm water El Nino moves to these said other places. These other places are to the east. Of the water.

In Peru, they have many names for many things. One of the things they have names for is for people who go fishing, go fishing to make a living. If we had a word for this kind of people that word would be "fisherman". But we don't. In Peru, they have different names for things than we do in America. They call that kind of people "pescadores". That's Spanish. That's what they speak in Peru. When El Nino comes, these "pescadores" can't catch any fish. El Nino is caused when the Peruvian gods get angry. They have been angry for millions of years and have made El Nino for millions of years. Many many moons ago, the Peruvians committeed human sacrifice to satiate their gods and end the flood that was caused by El Nino. In today's modern dog-eat-dog work-a-day world of scientists, diplomats, McSalad Shakers, and George Bush Jr., we no longer have access to such solutions. We are too proud. We will not commit human sacrifices. We refuse to satiate the Peruvian gods. Thus, they remain angry and keep killing us and burning down our trees with El Nino.

Instead of satiating the gods, many of these "scientists" have tried to control El Nino with "science". They put up expensive fish-attracting bueys that run on flashlight batteries. Imagine, fighting the power of the gods with flashlight batteries! Needless to say, this didn't work and everyone died.

Lightning!!!
Jeremy Lavine
Period 3

What is lightning? Where does it come from? What does it mean? Does it have a meaning? Where does it come from? What is it made of? Is it made of light? Some might say it was made of light. Others contend that lightning is made of fire. People used to think that lightning was made of fire. Fire in the sky. Fire that killed people and knocked down trees. Before Benjamin Franklin. Benjamin Franklin was a founding father. He fatherly founded that lightning is made of electricity. Electricity in the sky.

But what of the Greek myths, of the Greek god Zeus and of the popular image of Zeus - a Greek God - throwing down lightning bolts to kill people and knock down trees. Where did he find the time? And what of lightning being made of fire? In this workaday world in the era of the founding father Benjamin Franklin we have no time nor patience for such concerns. These are for the third world and schizophrenics.

Some people do not understand that lightning is destructive. They ignore the wisdom of their elders and of the founding father Benjamin Franklin. They think lightning is a lie perpetrated by people with a vested interest. At their own peril!!! Lightning kills people and knocks down trees!!! It a power of destruction exercised by the Greek god Zeus, the mightiest of Greek gods!! But they do it: they ignore such wisdom and taunt the powerful exercise of destruction and they worship their idle gods and stand near trees. At their own peril!! Lightning has the killing power to kill people and the destructive power to knock down trees! When you stand near trees, they will be knocked down by lightning and you will be killed by lightning! There is no escape. Lightning will knock down the tree and knock down your soul. Trees are tall.

Many things are tall. Many things attract lightning. But do the two correlate? A recent study says yes. It says that being tall and attracting lightning do correlate. That means that being tall corellates with being struck by lightning. You die when you are struck by lightning, and your tree is knocked down.

Some people try to measure lightning, they take measurements of it. They use balloons and rockets and their imagination and determination and research money and they put it all in the mixing bowl and they mix in storms - storms with lightning - and so they mix in the lightning and then they get the product if they're lucky of measurements about lightning from the storm? What kind of measurements? We may never know ...

oh man...good times

Currently Playing Abandon By Jason Morant see related

RANDOM OCCURRENCE OF THE DAY:

Tonight I went to Panera on a romantical study date with my roomie.
At one point during our evening, a boy, who appeared to be of high school age, approached the both of us.
He proceeded to utter perhaps to worst pick-up line I have ever beheld:

Random Guy: Hi.  My name is ________ (you fill in a name b/c I certainly don't remember).  It has always been a dream of mine to carry on my family name.  I was wondering if one of you girls would like to help me out and bear my children.

For almost the entirety of my life, I have been in the habit of making a complete fool of myself in front of total strangers.  To prevent my self-esteem from plummeting to the depths of the lowest of self-esteems...I have learned to laugh at my follies.

Despite this misfortune, which has plagued me for so long, I am proud to announce that today my roommate Amy has beaten me in the “COUNT OF EMBARRASSING SITUATIONS.”

Scenario #1:

Morning.

Becca quietly stands in the restroom brushing her teeth.  The sound of her suitemates in the adjacent room, though muffled, is quite evident.

Amy enters the scene.

Amy: BURRRRR! IT’S COLD IN HERE!! IT MUST BE THE COLDNESS IN THE ATMOUSPHERE!!!

Becca quickly drags Amy into the privacy of their own room, knowing their witness to their suitemates is at stake.

Scenario #2:

Afternoon.

Becca sits reading a book while Amy quietly takes a nap.

A knock is heard at the door and Becca moves to answer it.

Their friend Lance, who lives but a floor above them, has come to offer and friendly “hello.”

Amy, having heard the knock as well, sits up and questions Becca as to who is at the door.

As fate would have it, Amy's sleep, or perhaps lack thereof, was affecting her mind as she imagined Lance to have already come and gone.

In a joking manner, though appearing serious enough to cause discomfort to everyone present:

Amy: What did lance want? Did he ask you on a date?

Awkward silence

Becca: Amy…Lance is still here.

Awkward Silence

Scenario #3:

Night.

Becca and Amy happen upon a group of 15 unsuspecting freshman happily playing a game of Cranium.

The two girls stop for a few minutes to say hello to a some friends.

Upon leaving the room, Amy draws attention to herself so that the entire room, filled with mostly people she doesn’t know, turns to hear the words of wisdom she has to offer.

Amy: Remember, Sunday morning starts Saturday night!!!

Awkward Silence.

 (to read these accounts from the perspective of my unfortunate roommate....click on http://xanga.com/soonerspaz)